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50 Rules Kids Won't Learn in School: Real-world Antidotes to Feel-good Education

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Charles J. Sykes offers fifty life lessons not included in the self-esteem-laden, reality-light curriculum of most schools. Here are truths about what kids will encounter in the world post-schooling, and ideas for how parents can reclaim lost ground---not with pep talks and touchy-feely negotiations, but with honesty and respect. Sykes's rules are frank, funny, and tough m Charles J. Sykes offers fifty life lessons not included in the self-esteem-laden, reality-light curriculum of most schools. Here are truths about what kids will encounter in the world post-schooling, and ideas for how parents can reclaim lost ground---not with pep talks and touchy-feely negotiations, but with honesty and respect. Sykes's rules are frank, funny, and tough minded, including: #1 Life is not fair. Get used to it. #7 If you think your teacher is tough, wait until you get a boss. He doesn't have tenure, so he tends to be a bit edgier. When you screw up, he's not going to ask you how you FEEL about it. #15 Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping. They called it "opportunity." #42 Change the oil. #43 Don't let the success of others depress you. #48 Tell yourself the story of your life. Have a point. Each rule is explored with wise, pithy examples that parents, grandparents, and teachers can use to help children help themselves succeed---in school and out of it. A few rules kids won't learn in school: #9 Your school may have done away with winners and losers. Life hasn't. #14 Looking like a slut does not empower you. #29 Learn to deal with hypocrisy. #32 Television is not real life. #38 Look people in the eye when you meet them. #47 You are not perfect, and you don't have to be. #50 Enjoy this while you can.


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Charles J. Sykes offers fifty life lessons not included in the self-esteem-laden, reality-light curriculum of most schools. Here are truths about what kids will encounter in the world post-schooling, and ideas for how parents can reclaim lost ground---not with pep talks and touchy-feely negotiations, but with honesty and respect. Sykes's rules are frank, funny, and tough m Charles J. Sykes offers fifty life lessons not included in the self-esteem-laden, reality-light curriculum of most schools. Here are truths about what kids will encounter in the world post-schooling, and ideas for how parents can reclaim lost ground---not with pep talks and touchy-feely negotiations, but with honesty and respect. Sykes's rules are frank, funny, and tough minded, including: #1 Life is not fair. Get used to it. #7 If you think your teacher is tough, wait until you get a boss. He doesn't have tenure, so he tends to be a bit edgier. When you screw up, he's not going to ask you how you FEEL about it. #15 Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping. They called it "opportunity." #42 Change the oil. #43 Don't let the success of others depress you. #48 Tell yourself the story of your life. Have a point. Each rule is explored with wise, pithy examples that parents, grandparents, and teachers can use to help children help themselves succeed---in school and out of it. A few rules kids won't learn in school: #9 Your school may have done away with winners and losers. Life hasn't. #14 Looking like a slut does not empower you. #29 Learn to deal with hypocrisy. #32 Television is not real life. #38 Look people in the eye when you meet them. #47 You are not perfect, and you don't have to be. #50 Enjoy this while you can.

30 review for 50 Rules Kids Won't Learn in School: Real-world Antidotes to Feel-good Education

  1. 5 out of 5

    David Michael

    The author doesn't like "kids today", the internet, or any decade since the 1950's. I read this book expecting snarky and fun. Instead, all I got were banal stories and curmudgeonly regurgitations. The author doesn't like "kids today", the internet, or any decade since the 1950's. I read this book expecting snarky and fun. Instead, all I got were banal stories and curmudgeonly regurgitations.

  2. 5 out of 5

    Ken

    Bill Gates gave a speech to a high school in Texas I believe, and discussed several of these rules for which he has been attributed. However after some research I found the correct author and bought the book. Of all the books I have ever read this book struck so much more than a cord. I found myself nodding smiling and laughing out loud as I agreed with virtually everything Sykes was saying. Many of the lessons that used to be learned in our journey through education and the early part of our liv Bill Gates gave a speech to a high school in Texas I believe, and discussed several of these rules for which he has been attributed. However after some research I found the correct author and bought the book. Of all the books I have ever read this book struck so much more than a cord. I found myself nodding smiling and laughing out loud as I agreed with virtually everything Sykes was saying. Many of the lessons that used to be learned in our journey through education and the early part of our lives have been lost or diluted to worthless. Sykes identifies this and offers 50 rules we should remember and try to instil in to our younger generations, and I dare say live by them ourselves. Rule 1: Life is not fair. Get used to it. It’s not fair is an over used phrase by most teenagers and the focus of the first rule. Sykes discusses many examples of unfairness including natural disasters, critical illness, world hunger and even Stephen Hawking. He helps redress the perception of injustice by explaining “disappointment is a symptom of life”. Unfortunately a symptom far too many young adults lack experience of as our generation appears to struggle with the word NO and the valuable learning experiences this can bring. We cant always have everything we want Sykes suggests that’s an important life lessons everyone should learn. Rule 7: If you think your teacher is tough wait until you get a boss….. Rule 9: Your school may have done away with winners and losers. Life hasn’t. Rule 17: Your parents weren’t as boring before you were born as they are now. They got that way paying your bills, driving you around, saving for your education, cleaning up your room and listening to you tell them how idealistic your are. Fascinating insightful observations on the valuable lessons us 40 somethings learned during our child hood but our children are generally not. Do your kids and yourself a favour buy the book and learn from it.

  3. 4 out of 5

    Vex

    It started out ok, but turned into too much 'old white man' ranting for my taste. Which doesn't change the validity of the rules themselves, it just left a bad aftertaste. It started out ok, but turned into too much 'old white man' ranting for my taste. Which doesn't change the validity of the rules themselves, it just left a bad aftertaste.

  4. 4 out of 5

    James Carter

    50 Rules Kids Won't Learn in School is a harsh reading although it's mostly true. I think I was more bothered by the number of logical fallacies committed when the author compared the kids' "woe is me" situation with really serious international incidents. Hence, it's uncalled for. Initially, I was confused who the intended audience was, and then, I decided that the author was speaking to entitled and/or wealthy kids. In my opinion, having worked with these students as a teacher, I think it's a 50 Rules Kids Won't Learn in School is a harsh reading although it's mostly true. I think I was more bothered by the number of logical fallacies committed when the author compared the kids' "woe is me" situation with really serious international incidents. Hence, it's uncalled for. Initially, I was confused who the intended audience was, and then, I decided that the author was speaking to entitled and/or wealthy kids. In my opinion, having worked with these students as a teacher, I think it's a case of overindulgence: just too many "toys" everywhere. Back then, if we have to go back to the 80's, we really didn't have that many. Life was simpler and pretty straightforward. Even information was hard to come by. I might as well say, "Toys make people weak." Today, I think the situation with the kids is too far gone to be helped. It will be the survival of the toughest, the hardest workers, and those who can adapt the most to changing situations because they had basic skills to begin with. The rest rely on their mommies and (mostly) daddies' assistance and money. Of course, take them away, and they are really nothing. Sometimes, being born with looks will do the trick. Or popping performance enhancing drugs will get these guys farther than where they normally would be at without them. Ethics is not really important to these kids, but getting caught is a matter of concern. All in all, nobody learned from 50 Rules Kids Won't Learn in School, but that's not really surprising.

  5. 5 out of 5

    Mark Steed

    This book was the original inspiration of the 11 things that Young People don 19t learn in school, but need to know about life that went viral purporting to be a speech to High School leavers by Bill Gates. Sykes has a clear agenda: he believes that the American education system and parents are letting children down because they are not preparing them for the realities of adult life. He hopes the book will be "an antidote to our culture of complacency and indulgence" (p.4). He is highly critical o This book was the original inspiration of the 11 things that Young People don 19t learn in school, but need to know about life that went viral purporting to be a speech to High School leavers by Bill Gates. Sykes has a clear agenda: he believes that the American education system and parents are letting children down because they are not preparing them for the realities of adult life. He hopes the book will be "an antidote to our culture of complacency and indulgence" (p.4). He is highly critical of the "bubble-wrapped" culture disseminated by the "nanny class" that has not prepared young people for the realities that face them beyond home and school. He has no time for an educational philosophy where everyone is a winner and that nothing is permitted that might endanger a pupil's self esteem. So we get a world of meaningless gold stars, "participation" trophies, inflated grades, and happy faces on work that might otherwise be recognised as schlock. But (the philosophy goes) if we don't ask too much, or set expectations too high, no one will feel bad about himself. Instead of preparing children for the challenges, setbacks, defeats, frustrations, and triumphs for life, we bubble-wrap them. (p.15-16) He is concerned about falling standards in basic life skills such as literacy and numeracy, furthermore, Evidence continues to mount that the bubble-wrapped generation is also finding itself badly handicapped in dealing with other major challenges of life, from relationships and personal responsibility to distinguishing right from wrong without a reliable moral compass. p.6-7 His intention is clear: I want to help to prepare young people to be responsible, competent , confident, self-reliant, independent, realistic individuals who are armed with inner resources and the habits of mind to resist the blather and blandishments of the world they are about to enter. The book is "very American" - and I am not sure that we experience the extreme examples which he uses in the book [$150,000 Sweet Sixteen parties] - but the book serves as a warning of a possible direction of travel. Sykes is passionate and, at times, his style is far too preachy and is in danger of tarring all young people and all parents with the same brush. He seems to be unaware that there are some pretty amazing young people out there who do get off their backsides and achieve something meaningful. Overall, once you have translated from the American, there is a lot of good sensible advice both to young people and parents in this book, indeed it has a refreshing reality about it. The Amazon website helpfully supplies the contents page, free online, so if you want to spare yourself the time, energy and expense of purchasing the book, and get the guts of Sykes' message without the [at times tedious] anecdotes then click here. See Charles Sykes' website www.the50rules.com

  6. 5 out of 5

    Keegan

    In this 50 chapter exposition book, Charlie Sykes shares with you what kids of today don't have and what they need to get ready for life. These "rules" are an observation of the low expectation, feel-good education, and the attitude of self entitlement young Americans. Sykes does a great job of pulling together quotes, news stories, and statistics to really show that our trends are not the right path. He criticizes schools and parents for ignoring the issues of our teens today, " A culture has t In this 50 chapter exposition book, Charlie Sykes shares with you what kids of today don't have and what they need to get ready for life. These "rules" are an observation of the low expectation, feel-good education, and the attitude of self entitlement young Americans. Sykes does a great job of pulling together quotes, news stories, and statistics to really show that our trends are not the right path. He criticizes schools and parents for ignoring the issues of our teens today, " A culture has to be awfully smug about the big things to devote as much time as we do to issues like the weight of backpacks, the onerous burden of homework, and self-esteem destroying class ranking. The very triviality of our concerns is evidence that we think we have big stuff pretty much in hand." What Sykes does is he tackles the 50 "big things" that our society needs to get and understand. In my opinion the book was a real eye opener. It made me think how much of those rules are around me everyday. Sykes talks about how our politically correct teachings have created a a generation of kids that are already set up for failure. Rule 1: Life is not fair! - get used to it! Rule 2: The world doesn't care about your self esteem - The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself. Rule 3: You will NOT make 60,000 a year right out of high school. You wont be a vice president with a car phone until you earn both. Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss. Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for flipping burgers: they called it opportunity. Rule 6: If you mess up it's not you parents fault... so don't whine about your mistakes; learn form them. Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way form paying bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rainforest form parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room. Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life. Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your time. Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs. Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one

  7. 4 out of 5

    Misha Hamu

    This book went past snarky and into just plain meanspirited. The point of it could have been summarized in one sentence- no need for fifty rules. Not to mention the entire premise is flawed. There's a ton of complaints about how 'kids these days' (whatever that means) just don't understand hard work, but there's no substantiation of that claim. There is certainly no acknowledgement that literacy the world over has steadily increased. There's nothing addressing the actual issue of our education sy This book went past snarky and into just plain meanspirited. The point of it could have been summarized in one sentence- no need for fifty rules. Not to mention the entire premise is flawed. There's a ton of complaints about how 'kids these days' (whatever that means) just don't understand hard work, but there's no substantiation of that claim. There is certainly no acknowledgement that literacy the world over has steadily increased. There's nothing addressing the actual issue of our education system- how do you teach all children a ton of skills they need when they're constantly distracted, without leaving behind a few? Don't get me wrong, as a clever, academically minded, relatively rich person, I can find it satisfying to imagine just kicking anyone who can't keep up out of the race entirely. I'm just mature enough at eighteen to realize that's really kind of selfish.

  8. 4 out of 5

    Adam Floridia

    Every student should read this book. Every parent should read this book. Hell, everyone should read this book. Although Sykes at times contradicts himself, offers questionable data, and uses some fallacious arguments, his overall assessment of the sad state of "kids these days" could not be more accurate. Every teacher who reads this will undoubtedly think (multiple times), "How true! I witnessed that very same appalling behavior (multiple times) today!" From the unwarranted sense of entitlement Every student should read this book. Every parent should read this book. Hell, everyone should read this book. Although Sykes at times contradicts himself, offers questionable data, and uses some fallacious arguments, his overall assessment of the sad state of "kids these days" could not be more accurate. Every teacher who reads this will undoubtedly think (multiple times), "How true! I witnessed that very same appalling behavior (multiple times) today!" From the unwarranted sense of entitlement to the utter lack of work ethic and/or accountability to the absolute void of integrity to the "wussification" of the school system AND American society, Sykes illuminates many aspects of our culture in dire need of remedy.

  9. 5 out of 5

    Daisy

    I loved this book. Even though it was suppose to be like a informative book, some of the things the people did where just plan stupid you had to laugh. I also liked most of the chapter titles! Here are some of my Favorate chapter names , 1. Life is not Fair. Get used to it 2. Your navel is not that interesting. Don't spend your life gazing at it 3. Be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them. We all could 4. If you think your teacher tough, wait until you get a boss. He won't have tenure, so he I loved this book. Even though it was suppose to be like a informative book, some of the things the people did where just plan stupid you had to laugh. I also liked most of the chapter titles! Here are some of my Favorate chapter names , 1. Life is not Fair. Get used to it 2. Your navel is not that interesting. Don't spend your life gazing at it 3. Be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them. We all could 4. If you think your teacher tough, wait until you get a boss. He won't have tenure, so he'll be a bit edgier. When you screw up, he's not going to ask how you feel about it. and many more

  10. 5 out of 5

    Terrie

    Sykes really hit the nail on the head with this one. Also called "The wimpification of childhood." His rules include topics about the lack of responsibility, education (he blames the teachers a bit too much for me here), blaming, and sending a whole generation into the world unprepared with reality. My favorite chapter was #15- "Flipping hamburgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping. They called it opportunity." He explains all the things you Sykes really hit the nail on the head with this one. Also called "The wimpification of childhood." His rules include topics about the lack of responsibility, education (he blames the teachers a bit too much for me here), blaming, and sending a whole generation into the world unprepared with reality. My favorite chapter was #15- "Flipping hamburgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping. They called it opportunity." He explains all the things you can learn from the real world at an entry level job (punctuality, looking somebody in the face when they talk to you, teamwork, etc.)

  11. 5 out of 5

    Michael

    Some really good rules; (#1 Life is not fair, get used to it. #9 Your school may have done away with winners and losers. Life hasn't; #38 Look people in the eye when you meet them... #49 Don't forget to say Thank You), and some rather mundane; (#6 No, you cannot be everything you dream; #37 Being connected does not mean you aren't clueless.) The author clearly wrote this for his daughter, but anyone, any age, will glean some pearls of wisdom from this list. Interesting read. And I this is to the Some really good rules; (#1 Life is not fair, get used to it. #9 Your school may have done away with winners and losers. Life hasn't; #38 Look people in the eye when you meet them... #49 Don't forget to say Thank You), and some rather mundane; (#6 No, you cannot be everything you dream; #37 Being connected does not mean you aren't clueless.) The author clearly wrote this for his daughter, but anyone, any age, will glean some pearls of wisdom from this list. Interesting read. And I this is to the two U of Washington students mentioned in the first chapter of Rule 39--"Get a friggin life, he was a much better man than either of you will ever be!" "Dipsh*ts"

  12. 5 out of 5

    Heidi

    I'd like to read this book (or go over the basic idea of each point) with each of my kids before they are teenagers and entering High School, maybe even Middle School/Junior High, whatever they call it here. The great thing about this book is each rule could probably be backed up by a General Conference talk. (I guess that should be the other way around. This guy just presents it in a more in your face kind of way.) Life isn't fair, get over it. I'd like to read this book (or go over the basic idea of each point) with each of my kids before they are teenagers and entering High School, maybe even Middle School/Junior High, whatever they call it here. The great thing about this book is each rule could probably be backed up by a General Conference talk. (I guess that should be the other way around. This guy just presents it in a more in your face kind of way.) Life isn't fair, get over it.

  13. 5 out of 5

    Kathy

    This should be required reading for every parent, teacher, and student. If kids got a big dose of reality, such as delivered by Mr. Sykes, then maybe we wouldn't be so far behind compared to our counterparts. And for the record, I'm a public school teacher... have been for ten years. My favorite rules? #19.... It's not your parents' fault. If you screw up, you are responsible; and #21.... You're offended? So what? No, really. So what? This should be required reading for every parent, teacher, and student. If kids got a big dose of reality, such as delivered by Mr. Sykes, then maybe we wouldn't be so far behind compared to our counterparts. And for the record, I'm a public school teacher... have been for ten years. My favorite rules? #19.... It's not your parents' fault. If you screw up, you are responsible; and #21.... You're offended? So what? No, really. So what?

  14. 5 out of 5

    Chelsey Uhrig

    I really enjoyed this book at first. The rules are all truth. As an educator I see first hand what has become of our nation's youth. Despite its truth, after a while I began to feel like the book was nothing but a rant [emphasis added]. I didn't appreciate the finger pointing at the education system. Some educators care, and try to impart these lessons. The ones who care point the finger at the parents, so I guess that makes us no better than this author with his rants. I really enjoyed this book at first. The rules are all truth. As an educator I see first hand what has become of our nation's youth. Despite its truth, after a while I began to feel like the book was nothing but a rant [emphasis added]. I didn't appreciate the finger pointing at the education system. Some educators care, and try to impart these lessons. The ones who care point the finger at the parents, so I guess that makes us no better than this author with his rants.

  15. 5 out of 5

    Saralyn

    I recommend this book to just about anyone. In fact, I think a lot of people really need to read it. The author brings up a lot of really good points. Although I can't say I agree with every sentence he said, I really appreciated the points he brought up and the real-world examples he illustrated them with. A quick and entertaining and thought-provoking read. I loved it! I recommend this book to just about anyone. In fact, I think a lot of people really need to read it. The author brings up a lot of really good points. Although I can't say I agree with every sentence he said, I really appreciated the points he brought up and the real-world examples he illustrated them with. A quick and entertaining and thought-provoking read. I loved it!

  16. 4 out of 5

    Stacey

    I really enjoyed this book. I randomly picked it up from the library one day when I was in the mood for a self-help book. I found this one very entertaining and all so true. I plan on reading this book with my children once they are a bit older. I think all children would benefit from this book and it's "rules." I really enjoyed this book. I randomly picked it up from the library one day when I was in the mood for a self-help book. I found this one very entertaining and all so true. I plan on reading this book with my children once they are a bit older. I think all children would benefit from this book and it's "rules."

  17. 5 out of 5

    Sherri

    It softens up towards the end of the book but it's pretty harsh on some levels. It's meant for an audience that is self-absorbed, spoiled, and bratty which is ironic because I don't think those people would be ready or willing to read this type of book; but it is good advice. Just didn't do me a lot of good since I've been taught these lessons already from my parents. It softens up towards the end of the book but it's pretty harsh on some levels. It's meant for an audience that is self-absorbed, spoiled, and bratty which is ironic because I don't think those people would be ready or willing to read this type of book; but it is good advice. Just didn't do me a lot of good since I've been taught these lessons already from my parents.

  18. 4 out of 5

    Tracey

    This book points out a lot of things to think about. HOWEVER, why is it that school is the only place children are to learn. My own children learn a lot OUTSIDE of school. We talk about how life isn't fair, we don't get rewarded for everything we do, etc. So, while I like a lot about what the book states, I also feel that kids can learn a lot away from school and that is OK! This book points out a lot of things to think about. HOWEVER, why is it that school is the only place children are to learn. My own children learn a lot OUTSIDE of school. We talk about how life isn't fair, we don't get rewarded for everything we do, etc. So, while I like a lot about what the book states, I also feel that kids can learn a lot away from school and that is OK!

  19. 5 out of 5

    Jenny

    This book was recommended to me by my parents, and at first I was a little skeptical of the amount of sarcasm used by the author. But despite its somewhat cynical comments, I actually found that this easy-read encouraged me to be responsible for my own future and demeanor. A much needed commentary on our societal ills and a must-read for any new parent or new teenager :).

  20. 4 out of 5

    Katy

    This is an easy read full of common sense advice aimed at older teens/young adults. I found it a little heavy-handed at times, but mostly appropriate. I'm not familiar with any of the author's other writings, but it left me with the impression he is none to fond of our current education system. This is an easy read full of common sense advice aimed at older teens/young adults. I found it a little heavy-handed at times, but mostly appropriate. I'm not familiar with any of the author's other writings, but it left me with the impression he is none to fond of our current education system.

  21. 4 out of 5

    Jessica

    My kids are still too young for most of this book to be applied but I view it as a how-to-raise-worth-while-kids manual for raising kids in this world of participation trophies and mediocrity celebrations.

  22. 5 out of 5

    Nick

    Yeah, well, hard to disagree with any of this and I'm left simply wondering who the intended audience is. I would recommend it as family reading for parents and 12 year olds. Very sound advice for those who need it. Yeah, well, hard to disagree with any of this and I'm left simply wondering who the intended audience is. I would recommend it as family reading for parents and 12 year olds. Very sound advice for those who need it.

  23. 5 out of 5

    Gordonclan5

    This book shows one author's perspective on "feel good" education. I found it to be, at times, humorous in the explanations. I am a bit saddened at how the public education system has taken so much away from real education. This book shows one author's perspective on "feel good" education. I found it to be, at times, humorous in the explanations. I am a bit saddened at how the public education system has taken so much away from real education.

  24. 5 out of 5

    Brian Weisz

    Humorous, but also sarcastic and biting. What more could you want in a book? We read this book to the kids at the breakfast table before they went to school. They said it was boring, of course, but I know a lot of it sunk in. It really is the kind of stuff you won't learn in school. Humorous, but also sarcastic and biting. What more could you want in a book? We read this book to the kids at the breakfast table before they went to school. They said it was boring, of course, but I know a lot of it sunk in. It really is the kind of stuff you won't learn in school.

  25. 4 out of 5

    Ietrio

    A preacher for the old saying 'spare the rod, spoil the child.' These are not even rules. There are a series of NO that the author feels should be branded well into the minds and bodies of the future generations. Disgusting. A preacher for the old saying 'spare the rod, spoil the child.' These are not even rules. There are a series of NO that the author feels should be branded well into the minds and bodies of the future generations. Disgusting.

  26. 5 out of 5

    Anne

    Everyone should read this book. It is written for an adolescent audience, but there were plenty of reminders for me as well! I think I'll get a case and give them to everyone I know! Everyone should read this book. It is written for an adolescent audience, but there were plenty of reminders for me as well! I think I'll get a case and give them to everyone I know!

  27. 4 out of 5

    Hannah

    Great book that exposes the flaws in the way we bring up our kids (or the way we were brought up). Very enlightening

  28. 4 out of 5

    Glynis

    An entertaining, but sometimes too-true look at the state of public education and the culture that we are giving to our children. A really great book!

  29. 4 out of 5

    Holly Jorgenson

    Completely sad, but true.

  30. 4 out of 5

    Barbara Lovejoy

    Great book! I wish I had learned these rules earlier in my own life.

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