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There is an alternate cover edition here. Jody never asked to become a vampire. But when she wakes up under an alley dumpster with a badly burned arm, an aching neck, superhuman strength, and a distinctly Nosferatuan thirst, she realizes the decision has been made for her. Making the transition from the nine-to-five grind to an eternity of nocturnal prowlings is going to tak There is an alternate cover edition here. Jody never asked to become a vampire. But when she wakes up under an alley dumpster with a badly burned arm, an aching neck, superhuman strength, and a distinctly Nosferatuan thirst, she realizes the decision has been made for her. Making the transition from the nine-to-five grind to an eternity of nocturnal prowlings is going to take some doing, however, and that's where C. Thomas Flood fits in. A would-be Kerouac from Incontinence, Indiana, Tommy (to his friends) is biding his time night-clerking and frozen-turkey bowling in a San Francisco Safeway. But all that changes when a beautiful undead redhead walks through the door ... and proceeds to rock Tommy's life -- and afterlife -- in ways he never imagined possible.


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There is an alternate cover edition here. Jody never asked to become a vampire. But when she wakes up under an alley dumpster with a badly burned arm, an aching neck, superhuman strength, and a distinctly Nosferatuan thirst, she realizes the decision has been made for her. Making the transition from the nine-to-five grind to an eternity of nocturnal prowlings is going to tak There is an alternate cover edition here. Jody never asked to become a vampire. But when she wakes up under an alley dumpster with a badly burned arm, an aching neck, superhuman strength, and a distinctly Nosferatuan thirst, she realizes the decision has been made for her. Making the transition from the nine-to-five grind to an eternity of nocturnal prowlings is going to take some doing, however, and that's where C. Thomas Flood fits in. A would-be Kerouac from Incontinence, Indiana, Tommy (to his friends) is biding his time night-clerking and frozen-turkey bowling in a San Francisco Safeway. But all that changes when a beautiful undead redhead walks through the door ... and proceeds to rock Tommy's life -- and afterlife -- in ways he never imagined possible.

30 review for Bloodsucking Fiends

  1. 4 out of 5

    Patrick

    Okay, let's cut right to the chase here. I discovered Christopher Moore him about two years ago, and since then I'm pretty sure I've either read (or listened to) everything he's written. I really enjoy his books. They're tightly written, clever, and funny, funny, funny.... How much do I like his writing? Let me put it this way: Let's say I met Christopher Moore at a convention and instead of being the charming gent I know him to be, he turned out to be a total asshole. A real tunk. Let's say he Okay, let's cut right to the chase here. I discovered Christopher Moore him about two years ago, and since then I'm pretty sure I've either read (or listened to) everything he's written. I really enjoy his books. They're tightly written, clever, and funny, funny, funny.... How much do I like his writing? Let me put it this way: Let's say I met Christopher Moore at a convention and instead of being the charming gent I know him to be, he turned out to be a total asshole. A real tunk. Let's say he was such a ass than when I asked him to sign a book, instead he just hauled off and kicked me in my privatest of personal places. Despite this, I would still buy his next book in hardcover. Let's say I ran into him later on in the food court. And there, beside the Taco Bell, he kicked me in the nuts again. In that case, I would still buy his book, but I would wait until it came out in paperback. If later on in the parking ramp he jumped out from behind a van and caught me a third time... Well.... Then I wouldn't buy his book. But I would still check it out from the library and read it. I would like to propose this as a new rating system for books. It really has none of the ambiguity of the "what's the difference between three and four stars?" Think about it, when a friend recommends a book to you, they say things like, "It's great!" or "You'll love it!" But that's just so much hot air, really. Next time someone recommends a book to you, ask them, "Would you still love this book if the author kicked you in the nuts?" If they say, "Yes" you know that book must be something special.

  2. 4 out of 5

    Mario the lone bookwolf

    Imagine Dracula as a female and watch how the reverse vampire fun works in a humoristic setting. Moore is ingenious at choosing new character constellations to make fun of stereotypical archetypes of fictional and real events and persons, letting the protagonists plotlines, the outer world, and many running gags collide to always satisfying reads with superficial, but certain laughs. He doesn´t, or just with Lamb, reaches the level of Robbins, Sharpe, and Ruff, because his intent is to write under Imagine Dracula as a female and watch how the reverse vampire fun works in a humoristic setting. Moore is ingenious at choosing new character constellations to make fun of stereotypical archetypes of fictional and real events and persons, letting the protagonists plotlines, the outer world, and many running gags collide to always satisfying reads with superficial, but certain laughs. He doesn´t, or just with Lamb, reaches the level of Robbins, Sharpe, and Ruff, because his intent is to write understandable and entertaining, not extremely difficult, milelong sentences, philosophical meta criticism, postmodernism destruction of everything that was once holy, etc., but just a funny, short, ride. I do, subjectively, especially liked the Bloodsucking friends A love story series, because it had some great moments and comes with unexpected plot twists, while I subjectively didn´t enjoy the Pine Cove novels that much. They are of the same quality, maybe a tiny bit beyond the vampire fun, also subjectively, feel a bit constructed, and I couldn´t as easily slip into the characters, but this might be different for other readers, because Moore produces mostly solid works. Not to talk of coming close to Pratchett, nobody does, and Moore is always mostly in the real world with some fantastic elements spread over the story, but not vice versa. He also doesn´t really care about giving it a deeper level, going meta, criticizing politics, faith, economics, etc. in detail, he is just wanting to create character driven, funny, quick, and easy reads. The only problem with this is that they are not all that good and that some of them seem to just have been written to get the next thing published. That´s especially conspicuous, and I wouldn´t make that claim with an author who is always producing good, average works, because he had the hits A Dirty job and the mentioned Lamb, he must have put pretty much effort in creating, because they are marvelous. However, for a quick in between, the better rated of Moore´s works are always a quick and entertaining pick between bigger reading endeavors and especially the creative reinventing and reinterpretation of classical narrative models, styles, and tropes are something he is so big at that other authors should consider putting the old stuff in fresh, never seen novels as series too. Tropes show how literature is conceptualized and created and which mixture of elements makes works and genres unique: https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.ph...

  3. 5 out of 5

    Jeffrey Keeten

    C. Thomas Flood lands in the city by the Bay, fresh from the farming fields of Indiana, determined to write a great American novel. He rents a cot from a Chinese entrepreneur named Wong and finds himself living with five other Chinese gentlemen all named Wong as well. The Wongs are excited because they have recently learned that it is legal for two men to marry in San Francisco. Thomas has something they really, really lust for...American citizenship. Needless to say living with five men who C. Thomas Flood lands in the city by the Bay, fresh from the farming fields of Indiana, determined to write a great American novel. He rents a cot from a Chinese entrepreneur named Wong and finds himself living with five other Chinese gentlemen all named Wong as well. The Wongs are excited because they have recently learned that it is legal for two men to marry in San Francisco. Thomas has something they really, really lust for...American citizenship. Needless to say living with five men who look on you as the golden prize becomes a little uncomfortable. Marry me Tommy...no marry me...no me. Thomas's fortunes seem to be on the rise when he lands a job on the graveyard shift of the local Safeway. He quickly becomes proficient at the sport being perfected by graveyard shifts at supermarkets all over America...frozen turkey bowling. Thomas has been horny so long he has forgotten he's horny. He is 19 and almost a virgin. He has been assured on two different occasions that he did have sex, but both times he was too drunk to remember. When he meets Jody and she seems to find him totally irresistible he can not believe his luck. Vampire Vixen Jody She is gorgeous and she wants to have sex with him....a lot. His father must have never explained to him that if something is too good to be true it probably is. She is a vampire, which when she tells him is a little unsettling, but then she has more sex with him. Sure the biting is a little painful and weird, but she's having sex with him! Life, unfortunately, for Thomas can not all be about sex. Reality intrudes in a big way when the Vampire that turned Jody decides that Thomas must die. The hi-jinks and ineptitude of the characters reminded me of the REAPER episodes. The book is garnished with a host of strange characters, pornographic Disney tattoos, attempted necrophilia, and Hiaasenesque humor. It is the first book of a trilogy followed by You Suck and Bite Me. If you are looking for something light, funny, and weird then this book will do nicely.

  4. 5 out of 5

    Heidi The Reader

    Jody was attacked by a man who bit her neck and left her for dead in an alleyway. She woke up a vampire. What is she going to do now? "(Jody) was twenty-six and pretty in a way that made men want to tuck her into flannel sheets and kiss her on the forehead before leaving the room; cute but not beautiful." C. Thomas Flood wants to be an author, but where he comes from (Indiana) that's not an acceptable trade for a man. He flees to San Francisco to "starve in the city." After some misadventures with Jody was attacked by a man who bit her neck and left her for dead in an alleyway. She woke up a vampire. What is she going to do now? "(Jody) was twenty-six and pretty in a way that made men want to tuck her into flannel sheets and kiss her on the forehead before leaving the room; cute but not beautiful." C. Thomas Flood wants to be an author, but where he comes from (Indiana) that's not an acceptable trade for a man. He flees to San Francisco to "starve in the city." After some misadventures with too many roommates and turkey bowling at the Safeway, he meets Jody and his life is never the same. "Turkey bowing is not recognized by the NCAA or the Olympic Committee. There are no professional tournaments sponsored by the Poultry Farmers of America, and the footwear companies do not manufacture turkey bowling shoes. ... Despite this lack of official recognition, the fine and noble tradition of 'skidding the buzzard' is practiced nightly by supermarket night crews all over the nation." Christopher Moore takes on the "vampire genre" and it's not his best effort. If you're going to read one of his books, I recommend Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal. It's still ridiculous fictional literature, but I enjoyed the characters in Lamb more. In Blocksucking Fiends, everybody reads like one cliché after another. "In another time she would have called a girlfriend and spent the evening on the phone being comforted. She would have eaten a half gallon of ice cream and stayed up all night thinking about what she was going to do with her life. .. But that was another time, when she had been a person." And perhaps that was Moore's point. It was as if he was mocking the sub-genre of vampire novels by his one-dimensional characters and thin plot. Or maybe it is just a sub-par effort. I don't think I'll be picking up the other books in this series.

  5. 4 out of 5

    Melanie

    3 stars from me. Silly, funny, kinda gross vampire story. I liked it. It's an easy read. I may just seek out the next in the series to find out what happens to everyone. Just what I needed after the heavy and serious book I read right before this. 3 stars from me. Silly, funny, kinda gross vampire story. I liked it. It's an easy read. I may just seek out the next in the series to find out what happens to everyone. Just what I needed after the heavy and serious book I read right before this.

  6. 5 out of 5

    Krystin Rachel

    Book Blog | Bookstagram This reminded me of the campy vampire movies I loved as a kid: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, the original with Kristy Swanson and Donald Sutherland, or The Lost Boys. Perhaps if I'd read Bloodsucking Fiends when it first came out in 1995 I would have a nostalgia towards the story, because I'm fully aware that the only reason, something like Buffy the Vampire Slayer is re-watchable to me is because I saw it for the first time when I was 8. It's not going to hold up for, say, my Book Blog | Bookstagram This reminded me of the campy vampire movies I loved as a kid: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, the original with Kristy Swanson and Donald Sutherland, or The Lost Boys. Perhaps if I'd read Bloodsucking Fiends when it first came out in 1995 I would have a nostalgia towards the story, because I'm fully aware that the only reason, something like Buffy the Vampire Slayer is re-watchable to me is because I saw it for the first time when I was 8. It's not going to hold up for, say, my 12-year-old stepkid who likes Home Alone 3 better than the original movie. I mean WTF is that? For me, now in 2016, this novel was a mish-mash of cardboard stereotypes and dated, sometimes offensive, dad-joke quality humour. "I miss eating French fries. I'm Irish, you know. Ever since the Great Potato Famine, my people get nervous if they don't eat French fries every few days. Did you ever think about that?" Right, RIGHT? Those crazy Irish sure do love their potatoes hardy-hardy-har. "She'll rip out your throat and drink your blood as you die. Is that what you want?" Hair Plugs shook his head violently. "No, I already have an ex-wife." Ba-dum-dum-tshhh! The foggy California nights, the super cheesy evil vampire, the over-the-top cast of supporting characters and the ever-present '90s theme of a teenager, who relates everything in his life to his favourite movies/books, falling in love with the hot chick who thinks his "weirdness" is just too adorable for words, was eye-twitchingly cliche. The main characters were nearly intolerable. Jody the Vampire was only slightly more likable compared to the pouting baby, Holden Caulfield wanna-be that was Tommy Flood. By the point in the book where he considered having sex with his vampire girlfriend while she was asleep, knowing she wouldn't wake up because vampire, was the end of any chance for me to like that bag of neurotic dicks. Rape ain't cute, boo. I don't care how goofy and innocent you try to make the main character's line of thought on the matter. Oh, Tommy just doesn't understand women hochachachacha... In terms of the story itself, the whole book hinges on the romance between Tommy and Jody. But it was just too unbelievable and straight-up silly. Given this a novel about vampires, some might say "Krystin! Vampires aren't real either, just go with it!" But personally, when the world a novel takes place in tells me "magic is real, bitch," I need the relationships to ground the story. But this? A vampire meets a guy by random/divine coincidence, goes on one date, asks him to move in and two days later are in love and having mind-blowing sex while he's willing to risk his life to kill the evil vampire hunting his new girlfriend? PUH-LEASE, pump your fucking brakes. The only reason this isn't getting one star is that I found Moore's writing style really moved things along at an entertaining pace and there were a few moments featuring the Emperor and his dogs that I genuinely enjoyed. My sister and my husband have been swearing up and down that I would love Christopher Moore. Maybe I should have started with something more popular like Lamb or Fluke, but I didn't and now I'm stuck wondering if I should even bother trying again. ⭐⭐ | 2 stars

  7. 4 out of 5

    Lyn

    Like all of Moore's novels I have read, this one is hilarious. Could this be the first post-modern vampire book? Romanticism has been either thrown in the corner of the closet or all together defenestrated, this is nuts and bolts of how this immortal stuff works and mythbusting what doesn't. Really, really fun. Like all of Moore's novels I have read, this one is hilarious. Could this be the first post-modern vampire book? Romanticism has been either thrown in the corner of the closet or all together defenestrated, this is nuts and bolts of how this immortal stuff works and mythbusting what doesn't. Really, really fun.

  8. 4 out of 5

    Lance Greenfield

    Christopher Moore has an amazing imagination. As I read Bloodsucking Fiends and, a while back, Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal, I kept asking myself, "Where do all his ideas come from?" This story is both creative and funny. It is different to any other vampire story that you have read, or will ever read, unless somebody plagiarises Moore. Tommy is the leader of a gang of oddball supermarket shelf-stackers. Jody is a novice vampire. The two of them form what one would n Christopher Moore has an amazing imagination. As I read Bloodsucking Fiends and, a while back, Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal, I kept asking myself, "Where do all his ideas come from?" This story is both creative and funny. It is different to any other vampire story that you have read, or will ever read, unless somebody plagiarises Moore. Tommy is the leader of a gang of oddball supermarket shelf-stackers. Jody is a novice vampire. The two of them form what one would normally consider to be an unlikely alliance. But, once I have told you that every event and character in this book is unlikely, you will reconsider. Tommy and Jody set out on a mission to survive. Murders happen around them throughout their journey. A centuries-old vampire provides elements of tension and extreme danger. The San Francisco police. particarly two contrasting detectives, bungle their way into and through the adventure. Each of the members of The Animals plays a part, and they are all great fun as well as, like most of the characters in this book, having their dark sides. I can go no further without mentioning my favourite character in the whole book: The Emperor. This old man is the self-styled Emperor of San Francisco and Protector of Mexico. He is supported by "his men," who turn out to be two dogs equipped to do battle against the "vicious, murdering fiend who has been stalking his City." This guy is respected by everyone, and he becomes Tommy's best friend and ally. I can't say too much more without spoiling it for you, except that you should watch out for the turtles. Now you are asking yourself if I am crazy, but I kid you not. There are so many surprises in this book. Now that I have finished, I want to go back and read it all over again. It was that good! The one negative comment that I would make, is that I don't see this as a love story. The two main characters make use of each other, and they do declare their love for each other, but there is no romance. Perhaps that will come in the next book in the series, You Suck. Sadly, my to-read shelf is groaning and beckoning me to pick up the next, fresh volume to relieve some of the weight that she carries. You really MUST make space in your life for Bloodsucking Fiends. Highly recommended.

  9. 4 out of 5

    Mercutio

    An excellent book to write a review saying you didn't like it where like 8 years later people are still coming into the comments to demand you say you're sorry for hating this stupid fucking dumb bland garbage book made for trash people. An excellent book to write a review saying you didn't like it where like 8 years later people are still coming into the comments to demand you say you're sorry for hating this stupid fucking dumb bland garbage book made for trash people.

  10. 4 out of 5

    Brian

    This book is not your typical vampire fiction. Mr. Moore has written a novel whose protagonist happens to be a vampire, but the book is about much more than blood sucking! Unlike other vampire themed novels I have read this one attempts to take the supernatural seriously, and in making the outlandish characters and events of the text seem commonplace in Moore's version of San Francisco, the reader gets caught up in one heck of an engaging story! "Bloodsucking Fiends" is the first novel in what is This book is not your typical vampire fiction. Mr. Moore has written a novel whose protagonist happens to be a vampire, but the book is about much more than blood sucking! Unlike other vampire themed novels I have read this one attempts to take the supernatural seriously, and in making the outlandish characters and events of the text seem commonplace in Moore's version of San Francisco, the reader gets caught up in one heck of an engaging story! "Bloodsucking Fiends" is the first novel in what is currently a trilogy, and was written over a decade before its sequel. I read it years ago, but just finished rereading it in order to read the trilogy straight through. Moore is up to his usual tricks in this text, and the cast of characters include such Moore favorites as Inspector Rivera and the Emperor of San Francisco. Moore does a nice job of alternating suspenseful cliffhanger chapters with chapters that fill in the exposition and other details that the reader needs in order to keep the plot plausible. The author also does a great job of bringing all of the separate sub plots together in a nice falling action that makes sense. Tying together sub plots in unexpected, and appropriate, ways seems to be a Moore specialty. One of the treasures of this text is that despite the outlandish twists, characters, vulgarity, etc. Moore still makes serious points about our humanity and this is one of the novel's unexpected pleasures. One does not expect to be reading a chapter where vampires have crazy good sex, and then read an astute observation about love, or the nature of loneliness. Suddenly your mind reels with the profundity of the observation. I love Moore's work because he proves that a book can be funny, outlandish, well written, and profound all at once. "Bloodsucking Fiends" is one of his better examples.

  11. 4 out of 5

    Felicia

    Very funny vampire novel. I love Moore' tongue in cheek writing. Very funny vampire novel. I love Moore' tongue in cheek writing.

  12. 4 out of 5

    Kara Babcock

    This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. Shall we start by agreeing that Christopher Moore is a literary comedic genius? I’ve had some good times with him. Both Fool and Sacré Bleu: A Comedy d’Art are amazing, laugh-out-loud funny. Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal is hilarious and irreverent and the perfect gift to give your atheist or agnostic friends (or your theist friends, if they have the right sense of humour!). Everyone once in a while, though I hit on a Fluke …. That’s the problem with co Shall we start by agreeing that Christopher Moore is a literary comedic genius? I’ve had some good times with him. Both Fool and Sacré Bleu: A Comedy d’Art are amazing, laugh-out-loud funny. Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal is hilarious and irreverent and the perfect gift to give your atheist or agnostic friends (or your theist friends, if they have the right sense of humour!). Everyone once in a while, though I hit on a Fluke …. That’s the problem with comedy: it’s really tough, and even comedic geniuses don’t get it right all the time. Bloodsucking Fiends has a lot going for it. I considered, for a while, giving this book one star—but I can’t do that, ultimately, because there was definitely a time where I was enjoying this book, maybe more than I should have. (For those who have read it: the scenes with the Emperor are all priceless, and the scene where the Safeway crew boards the vampire’s boat and start blowing shit up is high-octane of a calibre I was not expecting in a book like this.) In particular, if you were looking for a more humorous take on the whole “becoming a vampire” plot, then Moore has you covered here. But. Jody and Thomas. I can’t even. This is subtitled A Love Story, as are the sequels to this book (which I also have out from the library). The idea is that Jody, after becoming a vampire, looks for a man to cohabit with (and have sex with, if convenient) who can go out during the day, when she is asleep, and run errands. A sex-Renfield, if you will. (Oh God, now I’m envisioning all the Dracula/Renfield slash-fic I am not going to search for after finishing this review….) Mr. C. Thomas Flood from Indiana has just moved to San Francisco to become the next Great American Writer. He hooks up with Jody by chance, sticks with her even after she confesses that she is a vampire, and quickly falls in love with her. But I don’t really buy it, you know? I can buy that Thomas thinks he’s in love with Jody, and that Jody feels co-dependent with Thomas. Moore paints Jody as the type of woman who feels that she “needs” a man, having lived with ten in the past five years. And I love that Moore doesn’t make this a head-over-heels, hit-by-Cupid’s-arrow type of romance—Jody and Thomas fight and argue and call each other names, and it’s all very realistic. (Except for the whole vampire thing, obviously.) I find Jody’s characterization hugely problematic, though. There is nothing wrong, a priori, with portraying a woman who serially enters dysfunctional relationships. That’s all part of diverse portrayals of women in fiction. Unfortunately, that only works if you have diverse portrayals of women in your story (I think there are three named women characters in this book, and it only technically passes the Bechdel Test because Jody talks to her mom). And it only works if your characters are multi-dimensional. I was hoping that, amid the standard Moore silliness of the plot, Bloodsucking Fiends would be a story about Jody’s personal growth. Moore starts off by showing us a woman who doesn’t have a lot going for her, who has a really bad day by being assaulted and transformed into a vampire, and who subsequently decides to make lemons out of lemonade. And on one level, this does actually happen. The ending of the story affirms Jody’s desire to embrace her newfound vampiric powers, to learn more about them, and to make the most of this life. So I just wish Moore hadn’t ruined what might have been a great thing by falling back on clichéd jokes, like, “I could stand to lose five pounds.” We get it: women are obsessed with their weight! Hah-hah, very funny. I’ll pencil in a laugh sometime next week. This sense of cliché looms ominously over most of the book. Jody is a walking cliché. Thomas’ situation—growing up in Indiana and being suspected of homosexuality because he has intellectual tendencies—is so cliché. It’s as if Moore assembled a checklist of the most overused tropes, then proceeded to work his way down the list—maybe alphabetically? Boy, those Asian people—aren’t they funny? And people who can’t read and hide it—hilarious! What about sales clerks—they sure are jerks, right? This might be comedy, but it is lazy comedy, thoughtless comedy—in other words, bad comedy. I know Moore is capable of, well, more. You can’t write two novels parodying Shakespeare to the level that Moore has without actually reading and understanding Shakespeare. And while Moore’s portrayal of women doesn’t receive highest marks, I’ve seen him do better than how he does in Bloodsucking Fiends. Oh, but the whole part where Thomas literally fridges Jody? Then does it again by bronzing her? That’s not funny, Moore, and it’s not endearing. It’s terrifying and sick, and it doesn’t show that Thomas “loves” Jody, just that he’s obsessed with her and willing to imprison her rather than let her go. We have names and prisons for those sorts of people. I’m going to try the next book, because Moore has earned a lot of credit with me. But if Thomas pulls anything like that again, I’m out of here. I have better things to do with my time than watch an insecure guy try to stop his vampire ladyfriend from leaving her in progressively creepier and rapier ways.

  13. 5 out of 5

    L

    Sometimes it helps to read a series in order. In the case of Christopher Moore, though, it's not always necessary. I read "You Suck" first, and thoroughly enjoyed it, then went back and read its precursor, "Bloodsucking Fiends." While BF gave context for YS, each stands on its own as a very amusing quick read. Jody is attacked walking home from work and wakes up the next evening disheveled, under a dumpster, with one burned hand, and with a load of cash in a paper bag. She returns to her apartme Sometimes it helps to read a series in order. In the case of Christopher Moore, though, it's not always necessary. I read "You Suck" first, and thoroughly enjoyed it, then went back and read its precursor, "Bloodsucking Fiends." While BF gave context for YS, each stands on its own as a very amusing quick read. Jody is attacked walking home from work and wakes up the next evening disheveled, under a dumpster, with one burned hand, and with a load of cash in a paper bag. She returns to her apartment to be confronted by her live-in boyfriend and to find that her car has been impounded. Needing a place to live and someone to do her work by daylight, she finds C. Thomas Flood, a night manager at a grocery store, and makes him her minion. Not in a sinister way, but in a "I wonder what it would be like to be a vampire's minion?" way. Being an aspiring writer, Tommy researches vampirism extensively and tests Jody (with and without permission) to find out which aspects of vampirism in the literature are true (turning into a bat, true or false?) while also helping her find a place to live (loft in "fashionable SOMA", no windows in bedroom). Meanwhile, Jody learns to adapt to her new condition while trying to avoid being framed for murder by the vampire who created her. Add some turkey-bowling grocery store clerks, SF police with a penchant for the dramatic, and a fixture of a SF homeless man (the Emperor, thankfully of SF and not Oakland) and you've got a few hours worth of good fun.

  14. 5 out of 5

    Cyndi

    Every summer my amazing library has a summer reading contest. One of the challenges is to read a book by an author who shares your initials. So I had an excuse to read a book by the hilarious Christopher Moore. I love his books and this was no exception. A woman wakes up in an alley and discovers she's a vampire. She finds a hick from Nebraska who has moved to NY to become a writer. She needs a 'Renfield' to take care of daylight stuff and he needs to have his heart broken to help his writing. Every summer my amazing library has a summer reading contest. One of the challenges is to read a book by an author who shares your initials. So I had an excuse to read a book by the hilarious Christopher Moore. I love his books and this was no exception. A woman wakes up in an alley and discovers she's a vampire. She finds a hick from Nebraska who has moved to NY to become a writer. She needs a 'Renfield' to take care of daylight stuff and he needs to have his heart broken to help his writing. It's a match made in heaven, or in the alley behind Safeway Supermarket. Excellent book, lots of fun!

  15. 5 out of 5

    Nicholas Karpuk

    I saw Christopher Moore give a talk at the Tattered Cover recently, and having only read Fluke, I didn't really grasp the nature of his audience. The crowd easily tripled the normal quantity of attendees for that sort of event. His talk resembled a odd sort of stand up comedy routine, and every joke exploded through the room from the uproarious laughter. For me I'd say a joke hit home about 1 out of every 3 times. His humor is consistently rather broad, he has the demeanor of a elementary school I saw Christopher Moore give a talk at the Tattered Cover recently, and having only read Fluke, I didn't really grasp the nature of his audience. The crowd easily tripled the normal quantity of attendees for that sort of event. His talk resembled a odd sort of stand up comedy routine, and every joke exploded through the room from the uproarious laughter. For me I'd say a joke hit home about 1 out of every 3 times. His humor is consistently rather broad, he has the demeanor of a elementary school class clown who watched a lot of comedy specials on television. There are exchanges like this: ...but I've lost a big part of my life. Like French fries. I miss eating French fries. I'm Irish, you know. Ever since the Great Potato Famine my people get nervous if they don't eat French fries every few days. Did you ever think about that?" Oh ho. Irish people. I can almost feel someone elbowing me with an "eh? EH?" expression. The main thing I can say is it never seemed particular mean or spiteful when he was clearly aiming for edgy. That's part of his staying power. Even with passages like this that seem to be trying to really go for broke: "She'll rip out your throat and drink your blood as you die. Is that what you want?"           Hair Plugs shook his head violently. "No, I already have an ex-wife." I read that part an actually whispered, "Hochachachacha." Eesh. The other part is the attempt at appearing to be an edgy outsider, sort of an Eddie Izzard type of effect. Izzard employs jokes involving things you should have learned in 6th grade history class, but people pat themselves on the back for understanding his references as they laugh. Many people I overheard at the Moore signing seemed very proud of themselves for being into such a different writer, despite the crowd attesting to it being kinda sorta maybe just a little mainstream. But people thinking what they consume is a statement about who they are is probably a larger topic. At any rate, the other part of his success really does come from the readability. The writing style is utterly basically, almost leaden, but he maintains an excitement about the premise that damned infectious. So despite the cheesy jokes and the broad stabs at irony (the big burly detective is gay?! FOR REALZ?! Crazy!) it still kept me reading. Hell, I might read another of his, that's how good his pacing is. But god how I wish I could get an edition with a big chunk of the jokes redacted.

  16. 4 out of 5

    Misty

    Good fun, review to come.

  17. 5 out of 5

    Faye

    First read: 2006 Re-read: August 2015 The plot: a young woman named Jody is turned into a vampire by her would-be 'mugger' in the city of San Francisco. When she wakes she has to learn to deal with a lot of problems, including her new boyfriend Tommy, her mother coming to visit, and the fact that dead bodies are showing up wherever she spends the night drained of blood, though she's sure she's not the one killing them. What I liked: - The emperor of San Francisco and his two doggie bodyguards/henchm First read: 2006 Re-read: August 2015 The plot: a young woman named Jody is turned into a vampire by her would-be 'mugger' in the city of San Francisco. When she wakes she has to learn to deal with a lot of problems, including her new boyfriend Tommy, her mother coming to visit, and the fact that dead bodies are showing up wherever she spends the night drained of blood, though she's sure she's not the one killing them. What I liked: - The emperor of San Francisco and his two doggie bodyguards/henchmen. I would have loved for him to have been the central character of this book. He is funny, humble, brave and knows what is going on in his city. (view spoiler)[ However I hated the way Moore left us with the last impression of the emperor being upset and defeated after being mocked by a tourist for being smelly and not having a job. He should have ended on a high note for the best character in the book! (hide spoiler)] - (view spoiler)[ The one time we see Jody drink from and kill a human. We are given the victim's back story in a previous paragraph, and when he and Jody meet I found it very emotional. (hide spoiler)] - The final showdown between the Animals, the Emperor and Tommy against the evil vampire. It was tense and fast-paced with lots going on. What I disliked: - The plot very thin but at the same time very convoluted, with many different elements seemingly thrown in for the sake of it. What was the point of Jody's mum's visit? Or the snapping turtles? And Jody's slutty makeover in the middle of a crisis? - Jody and Tommy as narrators; they both came across as unbelievable characters. When Jody woke up as a vampire, one of her first thoughts was getting a new boyfriend, as she admits that she doesn’t like being single. This is admission is the only realistic thing about her. She seems to spend most of her nights wandering around aimlessly, supposedly looking for the vampire who made her but not getting very far with it. Tommy had no consistent personality all the way through this book. He is introduced as an innocent, intelligent aspiring writer who has moved to the city in the hopes it will help him write a novel but he is not nice to Jody at all. He gets her to put herself into possible danger to prove she is a vampire, and to find out what her limits are. He is horribly possessive and treats her as an object (at one point he considers touching her sexually during the daylight when she is 'dead' and even puts her in the freezer one night, in order to keep her 'asleep' so he can go out on a date with a human woman. And the most vile thing he tries to do (view spoiler)[ is get her encased in bronze so she can never leave him. He drills holes in the bronze by her ears so she can still hear him talk. He thinks forcing an immortal woman to spend an entire eternity in a nightmare situation like this is somehow OK, and when Jody escapes - by turning to mist and coming out through the holes - she is somehow fine with this as well, and promises that she won’t leave him! (hide spoiler)] - The references to necrophilia. There are three men who see Jody during the daylight when she is dead; Tommy, Simon, and the coroner. All three of them want to do things to her dead body. I don’t even know what else to say here. There are no words! - The evil vampire. (view spoiler)[ So was he evil or not? It is never really explained. He has been leaving dead bodies for Jody to find, but at the same time he saved her from burning in the sunlight when he first turned her. He tries to kill Tommy, but only after Tommy tried to kill him. Even Jody seems unsure, at first wanting to kill him, then she tries to save him, then at the very end, he is encased in bronze and suddenly he is bad again. (hide spoiler)] Overall rating: 2.5/5 stars (rounded up to 3/5 stars)

  18. 5 out of 5

    AH

    3.5 stars I first picked up this book because it had an intriguing cover. As I started reading, I realized that this was not your average vampire story. First of all, the characters are very colorful, the writing is humorous, and the vampire lore just a little different from all the other stuff out there. Jody has been made into a vampire. She was attacked, bitten, left under a dumpster, burned her hand in the sunlight, and left with a shirt stuffed full of money. There was no vampire sire to teac 3.5 stars I first picked up this book because it had an intriguing cover. As I started reading, I realized that this was not your average vampire story. First of all, the characters are very colorful, the writing is humorous, and the vampire lore just a little different from all the other stuff out there. Jody has been made into a vampire. She was attacked, bitten, left under a dumpster, burned her hand in the sunlight, and left with a shirt stuffed full of money. There was no vampire sire to teach her how to be a vampire. She figured out a lot on her own. She realizes that she needs to have a human to help her out in the daylight hours. Enter Tommy, an aspiring writer. Tommy has left his home in the Midwest to experience life as a starving writer because according to his family, a writer must starve to be good. Tommy finds work at the local Safeway, where he meets Jody. Most of the book revolves around Jody's relationship with Tommy. However, the secondary characters really do steal the show. From the five Wongs who want to marry Tommy for their American citizenship, Scott and Zelda the turtles that Tommy saved from becoming dinner, Jody's mother, the Emperor of San Francisco, the Animals at Safeway, the police homicide detectives, even the elusive vampire sire, all meld together in a funny, sometimes hysterical story. I would recommend this book to people who are looking for some comic relief to their vampire reading lists.

  19. 4 out of 5

    Luffy

    It took me years between the time I acquired this book and finished reading it. This was a walk in nostalgia lane. The story has aged with the grace of Gene Tierney, or Grace Kelly. It was of limited appeal. But I did like the story. There was an intangible quality of essentiality about it. Probably the reason for that is that Christopher Moore was either inspired or toiled hard at the typewriter. The ending was like Mowgli's Tiger! Tiger! story. Something was happening, the good guys win but one It took me years between the time I acquired this book and finished reading it. This was a walk in nostalgia lane. The story has aged with the grace of Gene Tierney, or Grace Kelly. It was of limited appeal. But I did like the story. There was an intangible quality of essentiality about it. Probably the reason for that is that Christopher Moore was either inspired or toiled hard at the typewriter. The ending was like Mowgli's Tiger! Tiger! story. Something was happening, the good guys win but one doesn't know how or why the helpers of the good guys were motivated. This was not perfect. But only the climax had more ambition than sense.

  20. 5 out of 5

    jD

    At first I thought I liked this because of the narrator's delivery of the off color vamp Urban Fantasy. But now that it's concluded, I am thinking I just really like Christopher Moore's twisted sense of humor and storytelling. The characters where a blast even down to the two dogs and the cranky cops. Regretfully, this story was written quite some time ago as a trilogy but only one audio book is still on the market. My library carries the hardcopies but I am loving having this delivered via car s At first I thought I liked this because of the narrator's delivery of the off color vamp Urban Fantasy. But now that it's concluded, I am thinking I just really like Christopher Moore's twisted sense of humor and storytelling. The characters where a blast even down to the two dogs and the cranky cops. Regretfully, this story was written quite some time ago as a trilogy but only one audio book is still on the market. My library carries the hardcopies but I am loving having this delivered via car speakers during the moring and evening rush hour. I actully haven't checked the remaining travel time on the navigation since I started listening. I am seriously considering borrowing the books but it's not really a fit for my reading preferences. At least there was no cliffhanger but I know the characters live on in 2 additional books so I am itchy to hear more. There was nothing I didn't like. BTW, the synopsis says the hero/heroine are teenagers but only one actually is. This is UF and although it is called A Love Story, I think that is sarcastic. I don't think Mr. Moore was even trying to hit the romantic mark but only created a parody. This is a really fun book that doesn't take anything too seriously.

  21. 5 out of 5

    C.T. Phipps

    BLOODSUCKING FIENDS (A Love Story) is a funny book 90% of the time but when the humor falls flat, it falls flat. The premise is Jody is a 26 year old urban professional who gets turned into a vampire, only to immediately recruit a 19 year old would-be-writer to be her minion since she can't go out in the day. This is while she's being stalked by her super-rich creator and Emperor Norton of San Fransisco (mysteriously alive 120 years after his death), who is apparently a vampire hunter now. The bo BLOODSUCKING FIENDS (A Love Story) is a funny book 90% of the time but when the humor falls flat, it falls flat. The premise is Jody is a 26 year old urban professional who gets turned into a vampire, only to immediately recruit a 19 year old would-be-writer to be her minion since she can't go out in the day. This is while she's being stalked by her super-rich creator and Emperor Norton of San Fransisco (mysteriously alive 120 years after his death), who is apparently a vampire hunter now. The book is mostly entertaining but had a few moments where the frat boy humor was less than awesome. The Animals, for example, are Wallmart employees who act exactly like they do in real life when unsupervised--and I get enough of them when I shop. Likewise, there's the not at all horrifying (*sarcasm*) moment when Jody's boyfriend has sex with her while she's asleep as a vampire corpse. Yeah, there's a word for that. Overall, there was a lot of good moments but a few bad ones hurt its readability factor. 6/10

  22. 4 out of 5

    Krissy

    I just could not get into this one. The humor was a little OTT and not in a good way. Some authors can pull it off and some fall flat. This book is an example of the latter. I didn't laugh a single time through the whole thing. And the narrator was awful. Tommy sounded more like a girl than Jody did. Either that or a prepubescent boy. Plus he acted like such a wimp most of the time. I just could not take him seriously. I much preferred the author's book A Dirty Job. I will not continue this seri I just could not get into this one. The humor was a little OTT and not in a good way. Some authors can pull it off and some fall flat. This book is an example of the latter. I didn't laugh a single time through the whole thing. And the narrator was awful. Tommy sounded more like a girl than Jody did. Either that or a prepubescent boy. Plus he acted like such a wimp most of the time. I just could not take him seriously. I much preferred the author's book A Dirty Job. I will not continue this series.

  23. 5 out of 5

    Athena

    Bloodsucking Fiends is a flat-out romp. I snickered, chortled, and yes, guffawed through the entire quick read. Moore writes with quirky ease, managing to seamlessly integrate the sport of frozen turkey bowling into a modern vampire tale featuring an actual, non-sparkly, quite threatening vampire lurking in the background of this modern tale of American romance, unlooked-for vampirism, and over-worked cops. The perfect light read for summer, or any time you need a good laugh. Go for it!

  24. 5 out of 5

    Tim

    Well developed characters, plot and humor. The first vampire read I’ve personally enjoyed. 9 of 10 stars

  25. 5 out of 5

    DJ Harris

  26. 4 out of 5

    sj

    This was only my second Christopher Moore novel (and ZOMG I HAVE SO MANY FRIENDS that are all "OH, YOU MUST READ HIM RIGHT MEOW!") so there was a lot of pressure (even if only in my own mind) on me to enjoy this before I'd even started it. I LOVED Lamb, mostly because it reminded me a lot of mid-Tom Robbins. This? Not as much. I mean, it wasn't terrible, and I liked it, but if I had started with this book, I'd be in no hurry to return to his work. But, FFS, every single time I updated my reading pr This was only my second Christopher Moore novel (and ZOMG I HAVE SO MANY FRIENDS that are all "OH, YOU MUST READ HIM RIGHT MEOW!") so there was a lot of pressure (even if only in my own mind) on me to enjoy this before I'd even started it. I LOVED Lamb, mostly because it reminded me a lot of mid-Tom Robbins. This? Not as much. I mean, it wasn't terrible, and I liked it, but if I had started with this book, I'd be in no hurry to return to his work. But, FFS, every single time I updated my reading progress, I was practically assaulted on twitter from the Moore fanbois and grrls telling me how BRILLIANT he is and how this book was the genesis of their love affair with his work. It was pretty overwhelming. So - funny? Yes. Ridiculous? Yes. DROP WHAT YOU'RE DOING AND READ THIS NAO? Not so much. I already own a bunch of his stuff (see previous statement about all the pressure from friends), but I'm not in much of a hurry to read it anymore. I started You Suck the other day, but only got a few pages in before I realized that I just didn't give a damn right then. Maybe I'll be in a better mood the next time I try his work.

  27. 4 out of 5

    Caroline

    I decided to read something light. This is a light, kind of trashy adult vampire novel. It's hilarious and casual, and not by any means a proper quality novel. It sounds like I'm talking shit about it, but I'm sure it's meant to be that way. And I don't view it in a negative way! A young woman (Jody) gets turned into a vampire, and she's left alone with tons of cash. She realizes her life has turned upside down, and meets a young man (Tommy) she thought she could use as her little slave to do her b I decided to read something light. This is a light, kind of trashy adult vampire novel. It's hilarious and casual, and not by any means a proper quality novel. It sounds like I'm talking shit about it, but I'm sure it's meant to be that way. And I don't view it in a negative way! A young woman (Jody) gets turned into a vampire, and she's left alone with tons of cash. She realizes her life has turned upside down, and meets a young man (Tommy) she thought she could use as her little slave to do her bidding during the day. They fall in love for some reason. The danger in this novel is that her maker is killing people, and making it look like Jody and Tommy are to blame. So they want to stop him. At the same time she feels incredibly alone in her new condition. The pace is pretty slow at the start (fine by me), but when things started happening, it all got solved pretty quickly and the book was over. Also it cuts between different characters way too often. But other than that it was a fun read! Recommended for adult vampire fans who wants a light read.

  28. 4 out of 5

    Jane

    This book has comedy and vampires so it can't go wrong. The main characters are Jody who is turned into a vampire on the way home from work one night. Her discovery of what she is and how to adjust to it is very fun to read. C. Thomas Flood is the other main character. His dream is to be a writer. He moves from Indiana to San Francisco to achieve that dream. He meets Jody one night while working at his night job. Of course, this is just what Jody needs someone who can move around in the day time This book has comedy and vampires so it can't go wrong. The main characters are Jody who is turned into a vampire on the way home from work one night. Her discovery of what she is and how to adjust to it is very fun to read. C. Thomas Flood is the other main character. His dream is to be a writer. He moves from Indiana to San Francisco to achieve that dream. He meets Jody one night while working at his night job. Of course, this is just what Jody needs someone who can move around in the day time hours, to take care of the things she can't. Their main obstacle is the vampire that turned Jody. He is stalking the streets leaving corpses close to their loft. I loved the two cop characters who are trying to solve the case. Their storyline and the dialogue between them was great. Of course, it all leads to a showdown with the main villain. The ending sets up the next book in the series very nicely. I would recommend this book to anyone who reads a book to have fun and be entertained, it deliveries

  29. 4 out of 5

    Patrick

    *3 and a half stars* A fun read for sure. A bit odd and quirky

  30. 5 out of 5

    Wendy Bunnell

    I am so torn about Bloodsucking Fiends I’m not sure what to do. First, I really like Christopher Moore and think that he is hilarious, which is something sadly lacking in most of the stuff I read. Even the books that are listed as humor. So, I’m hard pressed to bag on Moore. And then there is the excellent review of this book by Patrick Rothfuss, who is the author of the very excellent Name of the Wind / Kingkiller Trilogy who adored this book. I love Kvothe, so I’m tempted to not go against Rot I am so torn about Bloodsucking Fiends I’m not sure what to do. First, I really like Christopher Moore and think that he is hilarious, which is something sadly lacking in most of the stuff I read. Even the books that are listed as humor. So, I’m hard pressed to bag on Moore. And then there is the excellent review of this book by Patrick Rothfuss, who is the author of the very excellent Name of the Wind / Kingkiller Trilogy who adored this book. I love Kvothe, so I’m tempted to not go against Rothfuss. But then, it’s supposed to be a trilogy, and we’ve been waiting, what, 7 YEARS NOW for the third book and there still isn’t a release date. So, my patience wears thin, even for a fellow Wisconsin native like Rothfuss. And then there is the “Life of a Book Addict” 2016 Reading Challenge. Yes, this is all my fault. As a member of this reading group on Goodreads, it was purely optional for me to pick 12 books to list as things I’d read in 2016. I’ve picked books for 2015 and didn’t get to them all and nothing bad happened. Well, bad things happen, but nothing related to reading books. In fact, this year I was actually the recipient of two free books just from pretty much hanging out at Goodreads and entering giveaways, including one that was directly from that group, so overall good. But last December I’d stated (on the internet, so it lives FOREVER) that 2016 was the year that I was going to finally read Bloodsucking Fiends. And, I’d read everything else I’d picked on that list. This was the hold-out. I wanted to be able to mark my challenge thread as “completed.” I’m a book finisher, by gum, I can do it. Yet, I always came up with lame excuses. Oh look, shiney new book, I want to read this instead. Something kept me from committing to reading Bloodsucking Fiends. Some unseen force, a guiding hand of fate, was preventing me from reading it. Perhaps it was Adam Smith’s invisible hand of market forces, as I was unable to get it in audio book form from any of my local libraries, and anyone who likes Moore and audiobooks know why that is worth it, as they are generally delightful, and being a cheapskate, I didn’t want to splurge and buy it on audible. But I did. I’m a finisher. I will read this, as I’ve read almost everything else by Moore and liked them very much. And, I’ve read all of the Twilight books (don’t judge – I can hear you judging me, I have a reason really), so I think I have a good basis to enjoy this book. My intuition was right. I didn’t really like it. I powered through it because I had committed to it (and spent an Audible credit). What didn’t I like about it? The characters, especially the two main characters Jody and Tommy, were truly unlikable. The other Moore books I’ve read all featured male protagonists without huge roles for females. That was probably a good thing, as she was rather unredeemable. Maybe it was a social commentary, I don’t know, but there weren’t any character foils or anything else, as Jody’s mother was equally toxic, and she’s the only other woman that I recall in the book. Yuck. And Tommy is no better. I get that Moore’s protagonist are never alpha males. I adored Fool, The Serpent of Venice and Sacre Bleu and didn’t mind the introspective and dithering protagonists. But Tommy was just wishy washy until he was rapey and abducty towards Jody. Yuck. If you could concoct a list of annoying stereotypes from books, this one probably has it covered. Oh, your mother is a superficial, crazed harpy, how original. The saving grace was The Emperor and his dogs. Loved him and every scene that they were in. I wish his majesty had been the narrator, as that would have been a more interesting perspective and we still could have viewed the shenanigans of Jody figuring out her new vampire skills, Tommy working at the grocery store, their dysfunctional relationship, and the mystery of who is running around town killing terminally ill people and making them look like vampire attacks. But alas, that isn’t the case. There were funny moments. But not enough to save this one for me. The plot was rather convoluted, and by the end I didn’t care enough to figure it out. It wasn’t terrible, but I have no intention of finishing off this series.

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